So since turning 36
and since watching nearly everyone I know have a baby in the last 2
years......including 8 friends and family members who delivered a baby since
mid September this year, I began investigating my options to do the same. Who
wants to be left out of the fun of sleepless nights and poopy diapers, right?!
Examining my efforts
from the last few years, I realized that trying to find a husband is much too
complicated. What else can I do?
I considered going to
a sperm bank and getting a nanny. Step
one was to google the cost of a nanny in New York. All the message boards said I should expect
to pay a minimum of $550 to $650 per week. Thats $33K per year. Where do people get that
kind of money?! Maybe baby and me can live in my car while I pay our nanny $33K
per year. Ok scratch that idea.
I'd read an article
about two years ago about a woman about my age and in my situation having
decided to have a baby with her gay BFF and raising the child with him and his
husband. Sounded pretty awesome. I
thought I may even get my pick of better potential genetic material for the
kiddo if I go with a gay couple because there cant be all that many women
signing up for this option.
I signed up for
co-parents.net, a site for sperm donors and people looking for a co-parenting
partner, which incidentally is even more expensive then match dot com. It was most definitely an interesting
experience. The membership was low (just
a few thousand), most of the members were in Europe, and some guys apparently
assumed this was a dating site for really desperate women and would talk about
what a wonderful lover they are.
After weeding through
the freaks and weirdoes, I spoke with a gorgeous 30-something year old Latino detective
who was 6’2, very sweet, and was in a stable long term relationship. However, he wanted to have kids right away
and lived somewhere out in Jersey. Too
far and too soon.
I spoke with Howard
who sounded almost perfect. He was with his male partner for about 12 years, he
was hilarious and very sweet, had a very supportive extended family, wanted to
move to the upper east side of Manhattan and had the financial means to care
for the child including providing half a nanny. However, he was really unreliable (never
called when he said he would), had different values when it came to child
rearing and kind of wasn’t all that good looking which for someone as vain as
myself was really difficult to get past.
As we continued to
talk, Howard mentioned that from his 4 years of trying, he discovered that
finding the right woman to co-parent with was as difficult as finding the right
person to marry.
....well then what’s
the point if its not any easier than finding a spouse?! After several friends told me having a baby
without a supportive spouse would be a miserable experience, I canceled my
expensive co-parent.net membership and scratched that idea.
Thats when I saw
these beautiful, happy family photos on Facebook of an old college friend who
was a lesbian. She had an adorable little blond daughter conceived from a donor,
and her gorgeous wife had just given birth to a daughter of her own in the last
month. They all looked so happy and beautiful, I started thinking……I’ve been
hit on by a lot of lesbian girls in my life and never gave it any thought, but
perhaps this isn’t such a bad idea. Is
finding a lesbian spouse easier than finding a straight male spouse? Its got to
be, right?!
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