The Great Bed

Ok, since I have no stories of my own at this point, I would like to share other people’s stories. Yes, it’s come to that.

This is a favorite of mine from me mum’s Essential Soviet Communism collection.

All Russian college students were required to spend their summers engaged in some sort of manual labor somewhere far from home. It was the communist way. Laboring away on The People’s Collective Farm by day, me mum and a random collection of college kids from across the republic lived in a facility on farm grounds by night.

The management of this farm had all of the college students of both genders sleep in one large room. Wait! Wait! To further enhance the communist experience, it was decided that rather then building multiple beds, they should build a single giant bed for everyone to sleep in. How could this work? A single six foot wide wooden plank sitting on top of supporting wooden legs was constructed to stretch across the length of the room. Each kid was given a mat and a few inches between him and the next kid and his mat. Normally, Collective Farm management provided laborers with dorms and individual beds, but who needs such bourgeois individualism and privacy when you can pocket the savings…..errrr help your workers more fully embrace communist ideals.

Ahhhhh, such happy class-agnostic sharing makes me want to sing a glorious proletarian hymn!

Of course you must know where this is going.

It wasn’t long before two virgins found themselves in the throes of passion that only a summer camp….errrr labor camp experience can conjure. Eventually, their little mats found each other and Victor and Laura canoodled silently when the lights went out.

One night, while canoodling, things went to the next level. I suppose Victor and Laura somehow imagined that no one noticed. However, lying in their shared bed listening to two virgins playing “find the right hole” was not something The Fraternity of the People could sleep through even after an exhausting day of manual labor. Not knowing what to say, all 50 bed-inhabiting members of The Collective lay awake and irritated while staring into darkness until a booming voice shattered the stillness with words that probably haunt poor Victor and Laura to this day. “Go Victor! Go!” he hollered followed by a squad of boys who joined in cheering and screaming various encouragements. Laughter roared from all parts of The Great Bed.

Laura joined the Nunnery. Victor became a porn star.